Dr. Goldfoot and the Bikini Machine (1965) dir. Norman Taurog
Craig Gamble (Frankie Avalon) is a SIC man. That is to say “Secret Intelligence Command”, a minor government agency, the San Francisco branch of while is run by his uncle Donald J. Pevney (Fred Clark). The budget is so low that he’s his uncle’s only agent, operating out of a two-room office which between them adds up to a large broom closet. And since Craig is, putting it gently, an amiable dimwit, his salary is not going up any time soon. His date has just dumped him for trying to pass off cheese sandwiches at a cafeteria as a date. Things may be looking up, though. A stunning if eccentric woman named Diane (Susan Hart) has just started coming on to him.
Just as Craig has adjusted to her aggressive courtship style and begins to reciprocate her apparent feelings, Diane forgets who he is and leaves the cafeteria post-haste. Although Craig won’t know this for a while, this is because Diane is actually Number Eleven, a robot created by Dr. Goldfoot (Vincent Price). The mad scientist has a plan to use bikini-clad robots to marry and rob the world’s wealthiest men. He’d left coaching Diane to his assistant Igor (Jack Mullaney) who might have been stupid even before dying and being revivified by Dr. Goldfoot. Igor had mistaken Mr. Gamble for the intended target, thus Diane’s odd behavior.
The actual target is Todd Armstrong (Dwayne Hickman), a local millionaire. I’m going to guess he’s old money, because he’s none too swift either. With help from Dr. Goldfoot’s gadgets and her take no prisoners style of come-on, Diane soon has Todd wrapped around her finger and willing to wed. (Her good looks didn’t hurt the process.)
Craig slowly pieces together what’s happening and enlists Todd’s aid in investigating Dr. Goldfoot’s nefarious plans. Hilarity ensues.
This spy spoof was put out by American International Pictures, which at the time also did the popular Beach Party series, and several actors crossed over into this movie. (Annette Funicello, Frankie Avalon’s usual costar, was pregnant, so only did a cameo that hid her body.) It opens with claymation titles, gold melting and reforming into various forms.
Vincent Price is having a good time chewing the scenery, being campily evil and being the smartest character in the movie. (That last is a low bar to clear.) He gets to riff on some of his previous roles, especially The Pit and the Pendulum (using footage from that movie.) Some of his dialogue could be better, but he sells it enough.
Susan Hart is also enjoying herself, with off-kilter behavior and silly accents, though some scenes of Dr. Goldfoot punishing Diane for mistakes are very uncomfortable. The rest of the robots are basically there as eye candy, except for the first Number Twelve, who gets in some violence. Dr. Goldfoot includes black and East Asian models of his bikini-clad fembots. There’s a bit of a political anomaly as the black robot is sent to marry “a South African diamond magnate” as the DeBeers monopoly was held by very white men and this was the height of apartheid in South Africa. (To his credit, the equivalent real-life person personally opposed apartheid, even if he was unable to persuade the government.)
The rest of the important male cast do a serviceable job. The script requires them to be dimwits, and they carry this out without looking like they’re above the material.
The special effects are…dated, but work just fine for a silly comedy. There’s an extended chase scene as the climax, where you can really tell the actors are sitting in front of rear projection scenery in closeups, but is a delight for fans of San Francisco scenery. And some naval footage is reused from Godzilla vs. Mothra!
Content note: Lots of slapstick violence, but no one is killed or permanently injured. (Diane is repaired off-screen.) It’s implied the robots would murder obstacles to their conquests if required, but we never hear that they actually have. Torture. Skimpy bikinis, and some clothing damage. Diane expressly does not have sex with Todd (to his frustration) and it’s unclear if that’s just to string him along until he signs over his fortune or if she physically cannot. Igor is of the reanimated dead, but there are no visible signs of this. Quite a lot of ableist insults involving intelligence. Teens and up should be able to handle this, younger viewers may need adult guidance as to what’s no longer acceptable in modern times.
The movie ends with a sequel announcement, “The Girl in the Glass Bikini.” Since this one sold only moderately well in America, that movie was never filmed. But “Bikini Machine” did huge numbers in Italy, so an Italian/American co-production was created with director Mario Bava(!) and a popular Italian comedy team. It was edited into two movies, the American version being titled Dr. Goldfoot and the Girl Bombs. It’s considered a career worst for Bava (who tried to get out of his contract) and close to that for Price.
But this movie is silly fun with a title tune by The Supremes, many funny gags, and is dated enough that the less appropriate bits may not sting as badly. Recommended to Vincent Price and spoof comedy fans.
