Comic Book Review: Best of DC Blue Ribbon Digest #19: Superman edited by Julius Schwartz
This is an imaginary story–aren’t they all?”
–Allan Moore, “Whatever Happened to the Man of Tomorrow?”
Back in the Silver Age of DC Comics, especially in the Superman titles, status quo was very much a thing. The Superman/Clark Kent/Lois Lane love triangle was never going to be resolved. Superman’s secret identity would never be blown for more than the length of one story. Lex Luthor would never permanently be punished for his crimes. It honestly got stifling for the writers, so every once in a while they’d toss in “imaginary stories” that could break the status quo and allow them to consider other options. This volume reprints some of those.
“The Amazing Story of Superman-Red and Superman-Blue!” story by Leo Dorfman, pencils by Curt Swan and inks by George Klein, leads off this collection with one of the most notorious of these imaginary tales. “On an imaginary day that might have been”, Clark Kent is the only reporter at the Daily Planet not to get a raise. He’s been too busy making news as Superman to write the news, and his work has suffered as a result.
Then he is called to the Fortress of Solitude for a conference with the people of the bottled city of Kandor. Quick side note: Kandor had been shrunken and stolen by the space villain Brainiac as part of his collection of cities some years before the destruction of Krypton. While Superman had liberated the city from the criminal, due to technobabble he was not able to restore it to normal size or permanently enlarge its citizens, so it was a fixture in the Fortress for years.
The Kandorians point out Superman’s failure to restore Kandor, the fact that there’s still crime on Earth and other shortcomings. They give him six months to make progress or cede the job of Superman to one of them. If this were a mainline story, this demand would be part of a scheme by a Kandorian criminal, but here Superman takes it seriously and looks at his own to-do list.
He decides to use a “Brain Evolution Machine” he’s designed, powered by multiple kinds of Kryptonite. Supergirl is understandably dubious about this, but assists. The machine explodes, creating two nearly identical Supermen with palette-swapped uniforms. Each of them is a hundred times “smarter” than the original, but both are benevolent and nearly identical in opinion. They’re also permanent. They dub themselves Superman-Red and Superman-Blue.
First up, restoring Kandor to full size and recreating Krypton. The latter involves also ridding the universe of Kryptonite, since the process draws all the pieces of the exploded homeworld across the universe into one place and reversing the transmutation that made it radioactive. After some terra, er, Krypto-forming, the enlarged Kandorians can move in to repopulate their homeworld. They decide to move New Krypton back to its original red-sun solar system, despite this meaning they will no longer have superpowers.
Next up, Atlantis! No, not the Atlantis of Aquaman, the Atlantis of Lori Lemaris and the other merpeople which confusingly existed at the same time depending on which DC comic book you were reading. Lori and her people want their own world free of conflict with the surface-dwellers. So Red and Blue summon Krypto the Superdog to assist them and Supergirl in melting the icecaps of an uninhabited Krypton-like world to flood it and create a sea tunnel across space to get the Atlanteans there. This works because magnets.
Next up, eliminating all crime and evil from the Earth. This is accomplished by a network of brainwashing satellites that not only make people not want to do crime, but actively want to do good. The ethical implications of this are of course ignored. Nikita Khruschev and Fidel Castro disarm their countries and free all political prisoners.
Brainiac and the Superman Revenge Squad get too close to Earth and are caught in the anti-evil rays so also reform. And of course Lex Luthor turns his intellect towards good, coming up with a formula that cures all physical illness and infirmity (including his own baldness.) Oh, and the rays even extend into the Phantom Zone so the criminals imprisoned there are cured of evil and go to New Krypton.
Supergirl goes with them thanks to a space ark donated by the Legion of Super-Heroes (which would seem to indicate that evil returns to Earth by the Thirtieth Century, but we shouldn’t dwell on it.) Even fifth-dimensional imp Mr. Mxyzptlk gets zapped into good behavior when he arrives!
Now that all that’s been done, Red and Blue can finally think of their own happiness. At last we see some independent opinions, as Blue decides to marry his childhood sweetheart Lana Lang, while Red prefers his co-worker Lois Lane. It’s a triple wedding with Jimmy Olsen also marrying Lois’ sister Lucy Lane. Red and his wife move to New Krypton, while Blue settles down on Earth and retires from active superheroing to pursue science. After all, his Superman robots can handle all rescue and natural disaster work. (No mention of what the other superheroes of Earth are up to.)
Four years later, everyone is living happily ever after. Huzzah!
Over the years, fans have poked many holes in the logic of this story, but it remains a masterpiece of “yes, and” thinking of “how do we solve all Superman’s problems and give him a happy ending?” There was a tribute storyline in the Nineties where Superman was split into “Red” and “Blue” variants, but they didn’t get the intellect boost, so it didn’t solve any of their problems,
“The New Superman and Batman Team!” story by Cary Bates, pencils by Curt Swan, inks by George Klein, is more of a “what if?” story. As young Kal-el’s rocketship approaches Earth, the toddler inside is exposed to Gold Kryptonite, which permanently removes his superpowers. The crash gives him amnesia, and Clark Kent is found and adopted by the kindly Kents of Smallville. Without his emerging powers, Clark develops his physical potential, becoming a star athlete in Smallville.
Fortunately, he still has the good moral upbringing from the Kents, so he befriends teen genius Lex Luthor. His influence prevents Lex from developing the ego problems that afflicted the mainline one, and he stays good. So good that when Lex develops a serum to give himself superpowers, he becomes Superboy.
Unfortunately, Superboy can’t be everywhere at once, and the Kents are gunned down by a robber. Clark swears to devote his life to fighting criminals. And since they’re a cowardly, superstitious lot, he’ll do so in the guise of (bat flutters against the moon) a bat! Clark becomes the ward of his wealthy uncle in Gotham City.
A few years later, Lex Luthor has become a reporter for the Daily Planet in Metropolis, while Clark Kent has inherited his uncle’s money and butler Alfred. (Bruce Wayne simply does not exist in this story.) Lex uses his access to breaking news to be a better Superman, and Clark dons the guise of Batman to fight street crime and gangsters in Gotham.
Lex and his coworker Lois Lane are assigned to interview Clark Kent, and Lois finds herself falling for the studly millionaire. On the way back to Metropolis, Brainiac attacks, and Superman must team up with Batman for the first time. Lex uses his x-ray vision to learn Batman’s secret identity, but keeps mum about it. Clark and Lois fall in love and get married, he revealing his secret on the honeymoon. (There’s no Robin equivalent here.) Superman also reveals his identity to her as a wedding present. (Apparently Lois has retired from journalism?)
Supergirl arrives on Earth, and is puzzled that Superman isn’t her cousin. Lex arranges for Kara to be adopted by Clark and Lois as Linda Kent, and Supergirl becomes the World’s Finest partner to Superman and Batman.
A few weeks later, the trio is battling Toyman (a minor member of Superman’s rogues’ gallery who uses toys to commit crimes) and his Swiss Army Knife vehicle when Batman abruptly collapses after being hit by a molecular dissolver ray. Everyone else is baffled by his new yellow glow, but Supergirl recognizes it as Gold Kryptonite poisoning. Evidently it not only takes away Kryptonian superpowers, but the residual radiation can cause a lethal fever if it’s reactivated.
Luthor comes up with a plan to save his old friend Clark’s life by repurposing Batman’s crimefighting laboratory. He transfers his superserum powers to Clark and the Gold K fever to himself. As a human, Gold K fever is harmless to him, but now Lex must avoid being near Kara or Clark. Lex builds a rocket to go to space for exploration, while Clark becomes the new Superman. Hopefully this Earth will get along okay without a Batman!
“Mr. and Mrs. Clark (Superman) Kent!” story by Jerry Siegel, art by Kurt Schaffenberger, opens with the titular couple already married. They’ve moved to a little house in the suburbs. Lois flashbacks to Clark Kent finally admitting he is also Superman, and proposing. But Lois had to marry Clark, not the Man of Steel, officially.
And Lois does love her husband and is thrilled by his superhero work. But soon we are exposed to one of the things that made Sixties suburbia so toxic. A woman’s social cachet was directly tied to her husband’s wealth/social position/job prestige. She gets socially snubbed. “Oh, your husband is just a reporter, not important people, so you see why I can’t invite you to this social function, right?”
Lois winds up having to destroy a present from Superman to avoid her sister Lucy figuring out the reality of her marriage, and later has to endure seeing her husband being kissed by a movie star. Her frustration levels are rising at having to keep the secret.
Finally, Superman agrees to go public that Clark Kent is him and Lois is Mrs. Superman. They are congratulated by President Kennedy and Jackie. Of course, this means giving up being Clark. This also means getting a more secure house location (with the price doubling overnight because of the assumption that Superman is rich.) And soon it’s clear that other retailers are equally eager to overcharge Lois. Worse, criminals take potshots at Lois because of who her husband is.
So, just give Lois super-powers? The formula Superman has access to will slowly kill her with extended use. Instead, he designs a special transparent but bullet and bombproof bubble car for her to travel around in. It does protect her from gangsters, but draws all the wrong kinds of attention because she doesn’t dare leave it in public. When Lois returns home, she discovers she’s lost the front door key, so tries to get in via the window,
This sets off the house’s security systems, which Superman has to rescue her from, and later it turns out some of the wedding presents weren’t meant for display as they’re alien eggs meant for Superman’s zoo. Lois has a nervous breakdown, but she and Superman still love each other.
The early Silver Age was something of a nadir for Lois Lane’s characterization and this story basically dumps on her from beginning to end.
“Lois Lane…Dead…Yet Alive” story by Otto Binder, pencils by Curt Swan and inks by Jack Abel, opens at Lois Lane’s funeral. In this story, Superman had openly married Lois, and they had a daughter, Lanie, who’s about three-four years old at this point. (The Superman family comics had an odd problem with writing small children and their mental development/language skills.) Lanie’s inherited her father’s powers but doesn’t have good control of them yet.
Lois’ death was caused by never-before-seen villain Dimension Master, who stuck a ray gun in through the open living room window (!) and shot Superman. The beam bounced off Superman’s invulnerable chest and apparently disintegrated Lois. Then the no-goodnik fled to another dimension Kal-El was unable to follow him to.
Superman takes Lanie to his Fortress of Solitude to raise her away from breakable humans. It turns out that in this timeline he’d never revealed his secret identity, so Clark Kent is assigned the task of creating a tribute to Superman and Lois Lane’s courtship and marriage. Heartbreaking! Krypto helps babysit Lanie when Superman has business elsewhere, but the Man of Tomorrow is happiest when he’s with his daughter himself.
On the anniversary of Lois’ death, Superman presents Lanie with a Lois Lane robot. This proves to be a huge mistake as Superman hallucinates that the robot is the real Lois for a while before coming to his senses just as her battery runs out.
Then Superman is invited to judge the Miss Metropolis beauty pageant, set up in hopes of him finding a new love. He’s initially disinterested, until one of the contestants looks exactly like Lois, down to skeletal fractures. This turns out to be a cruel trick by never-before-seen villain Chameleon Queen, wife of Dimension Master. They just couldn’t help twisting the knife. The evil pair is shot in the back by the Luthor-Brainiac team, who somehow learned of this in advance but not soon enough to stop it, so decided to murder the other villains out of respect for Superman. Huh.
Lanie, meanwhile, has become fascinated with the one room of the Fortress she has been told never to enter, and finally finds a way to get in. It is of course the Kryptonite storage vault, and she accidentally exposes herself to a massive dose of Red Kryptonite and apparently disintegrates like her mother. But in this case, Superman is able to determine that Lanie’s been shunted to a parallel Earth.
After finding his wayward daughter, Superman investigates and learns that this Earth has a Lois Lane…who is not married to Superman, but is in love with him. He winds up rescuing alternate Lois from underwater peril and impulsively proposes to her. Lois is naturally an automatic “YES!” Problem, though, this world’s Superman might want a say.
Turns out this Superman never fell in love with Lois, so the two Supermen swap Earths. Widower Superman marries Lois and she accepts the eerily familiar foster daughter. Bachelor Superman moves to an Earth where Lois isn’t an issue. Though he does wonder if this Earth has a Lana Lang because maybe he’s not aromantic after all….
Well, that was a prime slice of weirdness.
“Superman, 2001!” written by Cary Bates & Elliott S! Maggin with art by Curt Swan & Bob Oksner, rounds out this volume with the question “what if Kal-El arrived on Earth…in 1976?” It starts similarly to the standard Silver Age origin story, but the rocket lands on February 29, 1976, when the Earthlings have the ability to detect objects coming in from space. It splashes down in the North Pacific with U.S. and Soviet fleets competing for the mysterious prize. By chance, American frogman Thomas Clark gets there first.
It turns out there’s a baby inside, with superpowers. General Kent Garrett takes the boy under his wing, code-naming him “Skyboy.” The Soviets hear rumors about an alien child and demand equal access, but can’t prove anything.
Time passes, and it becomes 1990. The Empire State Building is rebuilt to a mile tall. Supersonic aircraft now use floating seaports, and the White House is covered with an impenetrable dome. That White House is now occupied by America’s first female chief executive, President Wiener. Walter Cronkite, still the most respected man in television news, reports that she’s revealed the existence of the alien child, finally. Premier Leonov of the Soviet Union (still intact) demands that the child be made a ward of the United Nations so that the U.S.S.R. will also have access to him, and threatens grave consequences if they’re turned down.
This plays into the hands of a third nation-state which has emerged as a power player. With heightened tension, it will be easy to trick the two superpowers into atomic conflict, World War Three!
The only thing that saves the earth from nuclear destruction is Skyboy, finally able to fully use his powers, though he’s careful not to let anyone get a close look. (It becomes apparent at this point that this alternate Earth not only doesn’t have other superheroes, but not even the concept of them.) General Garrett dies of strain during the conflict, and Skyboy decides Earth is not yet ready for him. He goes undercover as “Clark Kent” after the two Earthmen who’ve had the most influence on him.
More time passes, and soon it is the far future year of 2001, the start of the 21st Century! (No Y2K confusion here.) The news now comes to you on Tri-Vision from anchorman Clark Kent. The urban area from Boston to Washington D.C. has now consolidated into one city, “Metropolis.”
But at Times Square in what used to be New York City, a mysterious figure has appeared. A four-armed being calling itself Moka, which claims to be the long-lost alien child who saved humanity in 1990. He is now ready to lead Earth into a new Golden Age provided he is given absolute obedience. Moka is actually a powerful android created by the third power. If they control the world’s dictator, they will control the world!
Clark Kent feels forced to once again wear a colorful costume, but this time to publicly defeat Moka as Superman. Superman reminds the people of Earth that they have to take responsibility for their own well-being and vanishes. But when a child asks Mr. Kent if Superman will ever return, Clark winks at the reader and assures him that Superman will always be there if he is truly needed.
Content note: there’s a little verbal sexism directed towards President Wiener by male government officials.
Of course, in our world, 2001 passed without Moka trying to become dictator. Still, a generally optimistic story.
Overall, an interesting assortment of stories which reflect the eras they were written in for both good and ill. Most of these have been reprinted in other collections which may be easier to find.
“Imaginary Stories” themselves were somewhat set aside after DC rebooted its Superman comics following Crisis on Infinite Earths. They were replaced by “Elseworlds” which tended towards a more “grounded” feel rather than bonkers “yes and” scenarios.
