Comic Book Review: The Complete Al’s Baby written by John Wagner, art by Carlos Ezquerra
Chi-Town in the near future has had a law enforcement crisis and is overrun with retro gangsters reminiscent of the Roaring Twenties. Possibly the most ferocious of these felons is Al “The Beast” Bestardi, top hitman and enforcer for the Sarcoma Mob. There are only two beings that Al fears–Don Luigi Sarcoma, godfather of the mob, and Velma Bestardi, Luigi’s daughter and Al’s wife.
So when Don Luigi states in no uncertain terms that he wants a grandson to carry on the family crime legacy, and Velma states in no uncertain terms that she’s not going to get pregnant, or accept a surrogate mother, Al’s in a bit of a bind. All seems lost until a newspaper article reveals that science has found a way for men to carry a fetus! Despite Al’s protests,he soon finds himself with child.
Al’s able to lay down the law with his own mob, and his friend Sal (who is the proud papa of several bambinos and even helped deliver three of them) becomes his wingman for the duration. But the other gangs in Chi-Town see their chance to hurt Al while he’s vulnerable, and The Beast needs to follow his primary vocation while protecting the baby. Mutt McCluskey is a particularly persistent attacker, bearing a personal grudge against Al to begin with and getting angrier each time he is punished for his effrontery.
Wagner and Ezquerra were creative partners for many years, and worked well together. The absurd premise affords Wagner the chance to work in a Ring Lardner vein of narration, and Ezquerra gets to work with variations on Hollywood gangster fashion.
The story being what it is, everyone is an awful person or an innocent bystander. Al is hopeless at navigating social situations where violence and the threat of violence fail him, Velma is dedicated to a career (nightclub singer) that she is the opposite of competent at and completely unsuited for (she makes a much better hit person), and Don Sarcoma is perfectly willing to sell his son-in-law down the river if it will benefit him. Sal is perhaps the nicest person, showing genuine concern for Al and the baby, but he’s still a fingerman for the Mob, so….
“Blood on the Bib” picks up about fourteen months after the Cesarean delivery of Al Junior. A hit is attempted on Don Sarcoma by the heads of the Five Families, the other major American mobs. The Don orders Al to hit them back, taking along Sal and Luigi’s nephew Tony, who the Don reveals is being groomed for the godfather position. Al kind of thought he was in line for the position, being the deliverer of the godfather’s grandchild, but orders is orders.
Velma’s not ready to care for a child, and every babysitter in Chi-Town has blackballed Al Jr., so there’s no choice but to take the tyke along on the road trip. The little hellspawn proves useful, but an old enemy resurfaces.
“Public Enemy No #1” starts only days after the previous story. Al’s now wanted by the FBI for multiple assassinations, and they have a stool pigeon in custody with evidence not only against him but Don Sarcoma and other mob leaders. The godfather decides this would be a good time for Al to go into hiding, oh, and also produce a second grandson as a backup for Junior.
Al’s protests are again in vain, and soon he and Sal are holed up in a cabin in Wyoming, posing as a married couple. (Guess who has to be the pregnant wife!) This is bad enough, but one of the neighbors is both nosy and horny. Plus, there’s still a bounty on Al’s head.
By this point the premise is wearing a bit thin, and Sal is entirely too amused by Al’s predicaments. Good thing there’s a definitive ending.
Content notes: Violence, torture, toilet humor, transphobia.
Honestly, this isn’t going to be for everyone. Either the premise itself, or the style of humor around the premise, are going to turn off a substantial percentage of possible readers. That said, this is a hilarious story involving bad people having bad things happen to them, and yet happy endings.
If you’ve enjoyed the sillier Judge Dredd stories, you are probably the target audience.
